This is referring to the poll i had a couple days ago (which you can't really see anymore... 8/) This is going to be a little tl;dr so don't read if you don't like long scary journals. I apologize if I sound egotistical, but this is a very personal issue to me...
Why was I even thinking about disowning Hyung Soo, my APH North Korea OC?
This is an interesting question, and it's hard for me to answer...
About Hyung Soo.... The reason why i asked that question is because his design has become so canon that he is no longer "Hyung Soo," but he is now just "North Korea." If you ever talked to me about Hyung Soo, i never call him "North Korea" i always address him as Hyung or Hyung Soo. Because, in all truth, he is my original character, and I treat him as such. But ever since i created him, there has been so much acceptance and so much appreciation for him as a Hetalia OC, that Hyung Soo pretty much melded into the fandom. I'm not saying that i don't like that... I do! I appreciate it a lot and i feel very honored and proud that so many people accept Hyung as a legit Hetalia OC. But at the same time, every time the fandom accepts him more, the more i feel like that I'm letting him go. That he no longer belongs to me. That he's so ingrained into the Hetalia fandom, I don't feel like he's my character anymore. He's everybody's. All of Hetalia.
I hope that doesn't sound egotistical of me... but it's true. I can prove that every single rendition of North Korea that are all over DA and on the internet in general came from Hyung. If you look back through the history of the Hetalia Livejournal community, Hyung is the first MALE North Korea rendition created and posted in public. I know for certain that Hyung isn't the first actual rendition of North Korea because there have been renditions, but they were all mostly female characters. If you check Pixiv, Hyung is also the very first male North Korea OC to be posted. The fact that i'm bringing this up refers to all other North Korea OCs that were made after i created Hyung. What i want to ask is: Why does North Korea always have long hair? Do you have a reason? Or is it just supposed to be like that?
And every time I look at him or draw him, i just feel this deep sadness and loss. Does he belong to me anymore? Does Hyung exist anymore, or is he just now and completely "North Korea?"
I don't have a problem communicating to people on DA that Hyung belongs to me. His design belongs to me. And some people respect that and others think he's the perfect North Korea. But how do you know? Now i address why I don't want people to use Hyung in RPs any more. When you're in a role-play, you either create a character or you act as one that already exists. That requires you to know the character extremely well, from their emotions to their actions to their reactions to situations. People have come up to me and asked me to give them permission to RP Hyung. At first i didn't think anything about it and just let them do it. But after a while i noticed something. Their interpretation of Hyung was incorrect. It was exaggerated. It was what they "assumed" Hyung was like. They were basing their interpretation of his character on what "North Korea" acted like. The way i see it, people (who RP hyung) are essentially creating a North korea of their own, and then using Hyung's design. It doesn't make me angry or spiteful, I just feel bothered. Does North Korea really act like that?
Unfortunately, this whole emotional feeling I get with Hyung all started on Pixiv. Last year, i made a bold move and posted my pictures of Hyung on Pixiv, and called him "North Korea." After a couple months, even artists on pixiv have accepted Hyung as an acceptable rendition of North Korea... but that's also where the trouble comes. Soon after, i created a tag just for HyungSoo, and whenever people on pixiv drew North Korea, they'd use Hyung's tag. It was a huge gesture of acceptance to me. But after a while, people would draw "Hyung" but they didn't call him Hyung... they just call him North Korea. Whenever i see people draw North Korea on pixiv anymore, I get this rush of possessive emotions. "Hyung is mine, you're drawing him and yet you're not calling him Hyung. He's just 'North Korea' to you" So who are they drawing? North Korea? Who is north korea? Does Hyung belong to me? Or does he belong to Hetalia?
It's my own fault this is happening. It's my problem that i'm so possessive, that i attempt to boost my ego by spreading him around. And as i see more people accept him, the more I want to let him go. But as much as i want to let him go, I want to keep him.
I want to draw him, but i can never look at him without asking myself the questions that i've been writing all over this journal.
I'm sorry. This is the last time i write such a self-satisfying and arrogant journal. But I just wanted to let my emotions out. If this journal makes you think i'm one of the above, fine. I'm sorry. There's no better way for me to word my thoughts, so I hope you guys can accept it.
And i want to say thank you to everyone who loves Hyung for who he is, and for accepting him as North Korea. I hope this journal doesn't change your mind, and I hope you guys can understand where i'm coming from.
Reading: Maximum Ride
Playing: Kingdom Hearts: BBS